Wow. That felt very powerful to me, and well written.
Predictably, it is causing me to reflect on my own life. I'm sitting up in my bed, typing on my smartphone at 1:39 am, exploring the feeling that I have no idea what I'm fighting for.
At the risk of diluting the genuineness of Dustin's words with cliches of my own, I actually now realize I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Which is surprising to me, because I've been lulled into absorbing my own persona of "guy who has plans and ambition" — I'm sure many of you can relate.
I'm a senior in high school, off to college next year. I'm supposed to be studying cognitive science and human-computer interaction. I have worked hard, inside and outside the classroom, to get where I am, or so people tell me.
I have aspirations of greatness too naive and disgustingly grandiose to formulate into actionable plans. I legitimately see threads connecting all reality — from the power of design to the eerie harmony of the human experience — and that it is my duty to weave them into visibility.
Worse, I believe I have the duty to change the world, because I regularly fantasize about doing so. I have been raised to believe that "if I will it, it is no dream."
I have the dreams, some very specific, others abstract, but I can't always make sense of them when I wake up.
I'm only 29, but to me it seems like getting older is about figuring out what you really value, refining your ideas and pursuing your desires. In other words, figuring out what matters to you.
Some people seem better at finding a clarity of purpose. Others change their minds, reevaluate their lives, shift their preferences and their focus. It's a process that I think a lot of people go through.
You'll go to college and learn about a bunch of different things. Maybe something will click and you'll say "this is what I want to do with the rest of my life," or maybe it'll take you a little while. Maybe you'll take a philosophy class and discover new and interesting ways of thinking about all of this.
I guess I'm just trying to say: don't worry if you don't know what you want to do with your time on this planet. You'll figure it out some day, or at the very least you'll have the search.
Edit: Just want to add that some people don't do anything with their lives and that's okay too. The phrase "do something with your life" bothers me a little just because it makes this assumption that life is this thing that you have to "do something" with (which I'm assuming refers to some kind of accomplishment). We're just sacks of meat experiencing and interacting with the world. Everything on top of that is personal values.
I'm not sure if this will help, but I want to say that having such an existential crisis isn't just normal -- it's healthy. Staying up nights reflecting on your life and your choices aren't necessarily indicative of the need for a change: it means you're conscientious about the path you're taking (and relatively few people are -- which is important to note on a forum largely populated with people who want to make a dent in the universe.)
That being said, I think making huge decisions about the directions of your life before you hit a certain threshold of experience is like trying to solve a Wheel of Fortune round with only X's, V's, and I's on the board. It's a better utilization of your time and resources to educate yourself -- whether that's in a classroom or on an online forum -- to prepare yourself for making those decisions.
Predictably, it is causing me to reflect on my own life. I'm sitting up in my bed, typing on my smartphone at 1:39 am, exploring the feeling that I have no idea what I'm fighting for.
At the risk of diluting the genuineness of Dustin's words with cliches of my own, I actually now realize I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Which is surprising to me, because I've been lulled into absorbing my own persona of "guy who has plans and ambition" — I'm sure many of you can relate.
I'm a senior in high school, off to college next year. I'm supposed to be studying cognitive science and human-computer interaction. I have worked hard, inside and outside the classroom, to get where I am, or so people tell me.
I have aspirations of greatness too naive and disgustingly grandiose to formulate into actionable plans. I legitimately see threads connecting all reality — from the power of design to the eerie harmony of the human experience — and that it is my duty to weave them into visibility.
Worse, I believe I have the duty to change the world, because I regularly fantasize about doing so. I have been raised to believe that "if I will it, it is no dream."
I have the dreams, some very specific, others abstract, but I can't always make sense of them when I wake up.
And how do I know which are worth fighting for?