I have this policy of refusing to go through backscatter machines... while I'm not particularly convinced that the radiation is harmful (although it might be), it's on principle that I don't think I should have to give away naked pictures of myself to get on a plane.

Anyway, this inevitably leads to an extremely invasive patdown by an annoyed TSA agent. I also have a policy to have as much fun as possible during patdowns, so I grin ear to ear, whistle loudly, and try to imagine that I'm getting a free massage.

The look on the uncomfortable TSA agent's face as he goes about his search is all the victory I need.